There has been a lot of heated discussions lately about the word “Settling”. It comes on the heels of a book written by a fellow 85 Broad member about women, relationships and the definition of “settling” when it comes to our interpersonal and romantic relationships.

I am not here to tame the lion or enter the fray. My feelings about the whole topic when it comes to men and husbands, lay snuggly buried somewhere beneath the warm, lasagna-like layers of a whole host of complex ingredients which include joy, denial, mortality, ambivalence & companionship that is the stuff of any 15 year marriage. And that is too gooey, messy and sticky for me to try to unravel. So to use the overused punchline of every 1980s sitcom..“I’m not going there.”

But the I will go somewhere else. The idea of “Settling” has me thinking. What do we think about the idea of "settling"and compromise in a woman’s career? Or in any person’s career? How do we find ourselves “settling” for less than our passion or ambition demands when we make our career choices? And are we aware of it when we are doing it? Or do we all have an ingenius way of self-narcoticizing when we "settle " for “less than” what we want in our careers? In those cross-road moments, when “SETTLE” is the name of one road sign and “GO FOR IT” is the other, do we all have the ability to produce a form of “ambition anesthesia” that numbs us as we take the “SETTLE” path and make career choices that quietly undermine our strengths, our vision and self confidence?

And when we wake up from that slumber of career complacency that seduces us to “settle”, how quickly do we then rationalize and “make our peace” with less than what we deserve and less than we want out our careers and our lives?

I was no Sleeping Beauty. And it wasn’t a pretty picture when it happened to me, but I can honestly say that I once slept that restless slumber of “settling” in my career; and all it brought me was more and more and more settling and less and less joy.

So as we talk about “settling”—I would let our five senses navigate the way as we pay more attention to the ways we have, at times, all settled in our careers.

Ask yourself what did it look like when you settled? What did it feel like? What did it taste like? What did it smell like? And who was there with you when you stood in your self -created place of “settling”? And did you like them? And when you turned around to catch a reflection of yourself in your “settled” career did you like what was starting back at you?

I know I didn’t. From what I have experienced personally and from listening and working with others who are bravely retracing their steps and are now choosing to “GO FOR IT”…I have observed one thing. That when it comes to your ambition, your passion, your vision and career goals “SETTLING FOR GOOD ENOUGH” can sometimes be a bitter tasting , self- alienating and haunting experience that can leave us lost, disoriented and deflated.

So, if life is about compromises (and I’m not so sure it is…) perhaps we would be wise to follow the advice of our fellow- 85 Broad member and exercise our “settling for good enough” choices in other arenas of our lives…..and not when it comes to our dreams, our creative visions and career goals. Just a thought….