Last week I attended the annual New York Small Business Expo in Manhattan, and I saw some excellent presentations. One was by Diane DiResta, a speaker trainer who has worked with the likes of Les Brown and travelled around the world as a professional speaker. There was one statement she made about confidence and persuasive public speaking that stood out:

“People will adjust what you say in their minds according to how they see you.”

In other words, the audience will decide whether or not to listen to you depending upon how you appear and the way you deliver your message. This will impact how persuasive a speaker you are.

I realized that I hadn’t written much on this before. I didn’t want my readers and clients to put too much pressure on themselves to be absolutely perfect. They were struggling enough to speak with confidence. I was afraid I’d overwhelm them.

But the bottom line is, presenters do need to make a strong initial impression, and it’s not about their choice of words.

When I first started teaching as a substitute or training aikido, I constantly struggled to get people to take me seriously. To have them simply listen and acknowledge my existence would have been a victory! Why did those kids keep talking when I started my lesson? With regard to the dojo, I later found out that the men there were taking bets to see how long it would take before I quit.

What did I have to do, for goodness sake?

By nature, I’m soft-spoken, sweet, petite, and gentle in manner. On first impression, I don’t appear to be someone fit to command the attention of rooms full of large hormonal teenagers or judgemental men.

Frustrated, demoralized, embarrassed, powerless — you name it, I felt it. At first.

But then I started to make some interesting observations. Some of the classrooms where the kids kept themselves at the most strict attention and polite, cooperative behavior were taught by tiny women who looked like sweet bespectacled grandmas. And at the dojo, while women were a minority there, some were given as much attention and respect as the men, and one was only 4’11" and probably weighed less than 100 lbs. I towered over her!

I watched these people carefully, noticed a few things, and when I applied them myself, my audiences’ behavior changed.

They started getting more attentive. They followed my instructions and respected my requests. This didn’t happen all the time at first, but things improved as I understood how better to apply what I learned from my mentors. My speaking confidence soared.

The truth is, making a strong first impression isn’t that difficult if you know what to do. There were just a few skills I had to learn.

They didn’t have anything to do with my choice of clothes, shoes, or haircut.

First, I had to adjust my TONE in order to be a persuasive speaker.

I realized that I wasn’t leading my group. I was constantly asking their permission to give them direction. And guess what? When I did that, they valued me less- or not at all. They didn’t listen because I didn’t have a commanding tone of voice.

Do you ever catch yourself ending a statement as if you’re asking a question? If the answer is “yes,” then you’re making the same mistake as I once did. When you need to give direction in order to lead a person or group, you must develop a command tone. At school, we referred to developing this skill as finding our “teacher voice.” A command tone does not have to be harsh, abusive or negative. It’s neutral, but it has intensity. It’s not yelling or shouting. Believe it or not, a commanding tone can be delivered in a loving way.

It’s important to find your command tone and be confident speaking in that tone. If you haven’t found yours yet, practice delivering a command to someone at home. Do it with a smile. Observe the reaction you get. Do they acknowledge your request? Do they respond immediately? Adjust the words you use in your command to make it more urgent if necessary. Play around with this until you find a level of intensity in your tone of voice that is comfortable for you and gets the results you want immediately.

Next, I became aware of my POSTURE to exude confidence as a speaker. In martial arts terms, this is referred to as your stance.

In short order, I needed to stand straight and tall, with my shoulders back and chin up. No slouching allowed! In addition to appearing weak, poor posture also prevents adequate voice projection, which is absolutely necessary, especially if you’re speaking to a group without a microphone.

Please note: I am not instructing you to walk around stiffly! Be relaxed, yet aware of yourself and your surroundings. Our aikido instructors constantly instructed us to practice and develop something they called Zanshin, a state of “relaxed awareness.” You’re loose and relaxed, but you’re ready to move into action immediately when needed. You’re “on,” but it’s not tiring. From what I’m told, it’s a kind of awareness also developed by playing a team sport, like basketball or soccer.

Once I started to develop my posture and awareness or Zanshin, I could respond to audience issues immediately and with far more calm, in some cases stopping them before they began. People paid careful attention to me as they responded to my voice and the way I moved around the room. At the dojo, my training partners started to notice that I was finding their openings, or vulnerable areas, while they executed technique. They started to pay more careful attention to me. Finally, some respect!

I exuded far more confidence all around. As a speaker, I found that my audience started listening to me, even furiously taking notes as I spoke as if they didn’t want to miss a word. Of course, the value message and it’s relevance can’t be discounted. But that, combined with tone of voice, posture, and awareness was what started to make me a more persuasive public speaker.

Once you’ve developed these skills, you’ll be perceived as confident and strong onstage, and your audience will listen carefully to every word. Don’t delay!!