Numerous studies tell us that collaboration, empathy, listening and just plain getting along well with people — the types of soft skills associated most with women — have finally started to count in the competitive, bottom-line world of the workplace. Yet these very qualities often come with a huge downside, hinted at in the following comments:

“I was so humiliated.”

“I felt so betrayed.”

Wait a second, you might ask. Have we just tuned into a daytime soap opera? No, these quotes come directly from the women I coach in corporate America, where I’ve noticed a curious gender difference. Women are far more likely than their male colleagues to feel personally assaulted when their performance or ideas are criticized. In fact, I’ve heard lamentations from women similar to the two above so often that I’ve come to expect them. Yet I have never heard them uttered by a male client. Interesting, no?

While being attuned to feelings is a good thing, getting excessively emotional on the job is a career sinker. When we over-personalize feedback or events, small things get blown out of proportion and what I call catastrophe creep sets in—taking criticism of a particular behavior and applying it to our entire being. Catastrophe creep is the classic making mountains out of molehills.

Of course, not all women let their emotions get the best of them in public. For example, we rarely see Hillary Clinton lose her composure—quite a feat considering how often she found herself under fire as the first lady, a presidential candidate, and recently as secretary of state before the rowdy and disrespectful Pakistani press. Be careful, though, not to take self-control so far that you come off as stiff, which is how Hillary can sometimes seem. Check out this Letterman clip. Notice how even as she delivers a message that’s clearly designed to be (and is!) quite humorous, she still comes across with a Teflon-like emotional range.

Research studies by Boston University psychologist Dr. Leslie Brody and other academics corroborate what I often observe in the business world: Men in conflict turn feelings of anger against the other person, whereas women turn their feelings against themselves.

So next time you start to feel hot under the collar, keep the following in mind:

Separate your personal identity from the job. You are not the deal or your project. Learn to detach when you’re in the hot seat and stay objective. When someone questions your opinion or judgment, don’t take it as a personal rejection—it’s simply part of doing business.

Prepare ahead of time. When you are going into a difficult situation, identify your emotional hot buttons in advance and decide how you are going to deal with them by asking yourself “what ifs” as in, “What if she tries to revisit last year’s deficit?”

Careful what you project. Watch your body language and tone of voice. When upset, women tend to contract, collapsing into themselves and appearing smaller in stature. Their voices tend to become high pitched and shrill or very soft and breathy.

Be like the Buddha. There’s nothing like oxygen and a few seconds respite to clear the mind. Breathe deeply, pause, count to 10, and use a soothing inner monologue, like, “This is not about me and it too will pass.”

Head for the nearest ladies room if your emotions start to get the best of you. Crying is like putting on lipstick—it’s better done in private.