In graduate school, one of my favorite classes was Harvard Law School’s renowned Negotiations course. The professors – the co-authors of Getting to Yes – demonstrated that THE key to negotiation is to thoroughly understand the other party and theirs interests. Know your audience, get inside their head, understand both their interest and their perceptions – including of you – and you’ll be able to sell yourself and your ideas in a way that the other person wants to agree to them. That is the case whether the negotiation is an across-the-table merger, or a subtle maneuvering for influence in the office. As a woman who has traditionally worked in male-dominated fields (Wall Street, for example), I’m particularly interested in helping women understand the art of negotiation with and selling their ideas to leadership – which are often men.

In eight years of research and thousands of interviews and surveys with men for my book “The Male Factor: The Unwritten Rules, Misperceptions and Secret Beliefs of Men in the Workplace,” I have realized that knowing my male audience includes learning the private thoughts and expectations that rule their working world. Knowing how men are wired, knowing what they want, and knowing what will cause them to shut down are all critical when negotiating.

One way to demonstrate that you know your audience is by avoiding topics that are sensitive to that group. For men, asking a blunt ‘why’ question is often a damaging mistake. In complete contrast to our perception of the oversized male ego, 75% of the men on my nationally-representative survey told me that their confidence hides a lot of self-doubt: self doubt that can be unwittingly triggered when someone in the meeting asks “Why did you choose that pricing?” The men told me that all too easily, they can view that person as challenging their intelligence or judgment, rather than the simple request for information we usually intend. Far better, they said, is a request that is less accusatory, such as, “Help me to understand your reason for that pricing.”

Another way to demonstrate our knowledge of the male audience (whether it be boss, client, employee, or other co-worker) is to avoid body language that would be considered confrontational, or emotional. Rolling of the eyes, uttering a “tsk”, sighing, would all be perceived as emotional by men, and would diminish your negotiating power.

While some of us may bristle at the notion that we should adapt our approach, the reality is that we don’t have to change anything if we look at all the facts and decide our current approach is justified. However, all of life is a series of negotiations and the key to successful negotiating is to have full information about your audience, even an audience of one. If that one is male, then tipping the art of negotiating to your side means ensuring that your approach is based on the right knowledge about what the other person is thinking.