There has been a lot of heated discussions lately about the word "Settling". It comes on the heels of a book written by a fellow 85 Broads member about women, relationships and the definition of "settling" when it comes to our interpersonal and romantic relationships.

I am not here to tame the lion, offer relationship expert advice or enter the fray. When it comes to relationships with men and husbands, my feelings lay snuggly buried somewhere beneath the warm, lasagna-like layers of a whole host of complex ingredients which include joy, denial, mortality, ambivalence, comfort & companionship. Most relationships and marriages, much less a 15 year marriage like mine, are way too gooey, messy and sticky for me to try to dissect, tackle and unravel. So to use the overused punchline of every 1980s sitcom.."I'm not going there."

But I will go somewhere else. The discussion around "Settling" has me thinking and asking a lot of questions about the ways we "settle" in our careers.

What do we think about the idea of "settling" and compromise in a woman's career? Or in any person's career? How do we find ourselves "settling" for less than our passion or ambition demands when we make our career choices? And are we aware of the compromise when we are doing it? When we "settle" in our careers is it a conscious choice? Or do we all have an ingenius way of self-narcoticizing when we "settle" for less than what we want in our careers? In those cross-road moments, when "SETTLE" is the name of one road sign and "GO FOR IT" is the other, do we all have the ability to produce a form of "ambition anesthesia" that numbs us as we take the "SETTLE" path and make career choices that quietly undermine our strengths, our vision and self confidence?

And when we wake up from that slumber of career complacency that seduces us to "settle", how do we rationalize and "make our peace" with choosing less than what we deserve and less than we want out of our careers and our lives?

Like many others, I can honestly say that I once slept that restless slumber of "settling" in my career; and all it brought me was more and more and more settling and less and less joy. I was no Sleeping Beauty, there was no Prince Charming and what followed my painful awakening never got anywhere close to resembling "happy ever after."

So how do we identify when we are "settling: and how do we stop "settling" when it comes to our careers and life goals? Awareness of our career settling patterns and behaviors is the starting point for making better career choices in the future. And nothing makes the consequences of "settling" in our careers more vivid than looking at our compromised career choices through the lens of our five senses.

So here we go: Think of a time that you thought you settled for "less than what you knew you deserved or wanted for yourself in your career" Then ask yourself what did it look like when you settled in your career choice? What did it feel like? What did it taste like? What did it smell like? And who was there alongside you when you decided to settle? And did you like them? Do you still like them? And when you turned around to catch a reflection of yourself after you "settled", did you like what was staring back at you?

I know I didn't. From what I have experienced personally and from listening and working with others who are bravely retracing their steps and are now choosing to "GO FOR IT"...I have observed one thing. That when it comes to your ambition, your passion, your vision and career goals "SETTLING FOR GOOD ENOUGH" can sometimes be a bitter tasting , self- alienating and haunting experience that can leave us lost, disoriented and deflated.

So, if life is about compromises (and I'm not so sure it is...) perhaps we would be wise to follow the advice of our fellow- 85 Broads member and exercise our "settling for good enough" choices in other arenas of our lives.....and not when it comes to our dreams, our creative visions and career goals. Just a thought....