Respect is a word that can only be truly understood.... when felt. Otherwise it exists in the current society as the step-brother to power. True respect has nothing to do with power.

I got reacquainted with respect on a long retreat in Idaho. I did not know, I didn't understand respect until the last 48 hours. Not viscerally, I only understood it as a word in my thoughts, not a feeling.

The community on this retreat consisted of about 40 women and 10 men. And here is how respect re-introduced herself to me: at meal times, the women were fed first, while the men sat back and watched. After every woman filled her plate, the men were then invited to eat as well.

This may seem trivial, but believe me the greatest teachings are the most subtle. Unlike growing up, where the women cooked and cleaned, and the men ate all the time, left their messy glasses and plates on counters for someone else to clean up, I watched profoundly moved as these men sat patiently, hungry, but alert and caring for any woman who had not yet gotten her food. Not because it was a Rule, because it was a choice, an obvious Way to communicate respect.

Respect in Latin means to "look again". It means to look with interest, deference, and admiration. These men made a half lifetime of service become visible again. We were seen, I was seen. They looked on each of us with deference, interest and admiration, made all the more poignant because we knew they were hungry. And yet they waited. With care and respect.

Eric Fromm, in The Art of Loving, acknowledges that to master anything takes three skills: concentration, determination and patience. Jimm Good Tracks has said that "patience is the number one virture governing Indian relationships."

Respect and patience. Today, look again at someone, and make visible what may have been unseen. Let them know you see them.

In Swahili, the traditional greeting is Sawabona, which means, 'I see you.' The person greeted responses with, 'Sawabona' also, but this time the meaning switches to, 'I am here.'

Sawabona.