I love to quote Madeleine Albright: “There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.” How often do we find that we’ve been undermined? Sometimes we are our own worst barrier on the roads to success and in creating a substantive change in the workplace... and worse yet, often we don’t even realize it.

Case in point, a true story that was told to me recently: A woman is hired for an important position at a large multinational corporation. She is 6 months pregnant at the time of hire. A second woman is subsequently hired shortly thereafter; woman #2 becomes pregnant. Meanwhile, the first woman goes on maternity leave. She asks for three months leave. It is granted willingly and understandably. When the three months come up, she asks for another month. Again, granted. This fourth month comes to an end, she asks for another two weeks. It is granted and she returns to work thereafter. Four weeks later, she resigns. What damage did this woman do for all stay-at-work moms! Many women are working hard to dispel archaic views of women in the workforce. Woman #1 single-handedly tainted a good employment situation, one founded on respect and balance. Her employer, the boss and the co-workers were all feeling that they had been used. Whether she intended to take advantage or not, perception became reality. Woman #2 (getting ready for her maternity leave) was saddled with guilt, embarrassment and disappointment - mounted squarely and unfairly on her shoulders – as she was left with extra exercise to dispel this newly forming (however slight) cynicism in the group and to prove the continued value in hiring smart, professional people, regardless of gender. Ok – one point to clarify here: judgment is not being passed on woman #1 for choosing to stay at home after facing what we all know too well as the internal stay-at-work mom struggle. The offense is not in what she did or her final decision; the damage occurred in how she went about it.

How about the stay-at-home women? I was appalled when I learned of a new book, Ending the Mommy Wars, by Leslie Morgan Steiner. Haven’t we all gotten past the judgment of each other about the decision to work or stay home? Wasn’t that a thing of the 80s? 20 years later, I thought for sure we have evolved and are in fact supportive of each other. Are we faking? Leslie believes so: “But what I know for certain, because I see it almost every day from each side of the battlefield, is that the two groups misunderstand and envy each other in the corrosive, fake-smiling way we women have perfected over the eons.” Wow! When will we figure out that there are many other battles to fight for women to gain parity – whether you are stay-at-work or stay-at-home? Don’t we all seek the same level of respect? We all want acknowledgement for our hard work, our logistics management, our tireless and endless supervision and organization of the household or the practice or the team, our thoughtful and complex decisions which affect others’ lives-be they children, employees, pets or all of the above. We ought to be giving each other pats on the back at this point!

Have you heard men giggle (yes, giggle) about the cattiness among women? They scoff that we are our own worst enemy. Why is there carelessness amongst us? Do we continue to do a disservice to womankind - undermining our own progress and accomplishments? Did woman #1 have an obligation to handle her situation more responsibly in the name of all women? One interesting theory on this phenomenon is outlined in this month’s WINk, wherein we point out research about how women, by nature, seek equal footing with each other. When one woman steps out of bounds, for example is promoted, that is considered among women to violate the “Power Dead Even Rule”, according to WomenCo and some women will go out of their way to sabotage the person who has created imbalance among women. I am not suggesting that the introductory parable is fraught with such checks and balances that woman #1 was strategically manipulating the group to put some other woman in her place, but I do propose that women subconsciously – often unintentionally and indirectly - undo each other’s progress. While one explanation for tripping on our own feet is that we seek equality among our gender, another very plausible reason is that we lead very complicated lives and can sometimes, very simply, forget to step back and study the impact our actions have on the ongoing evolution of women in the workforce. Carefully crafting programs, applauding each others’ steps forward (even in the face of female inequality) and vigilantly paying attention to our individual pathways and the ramifications and impact of our decisions are all imperative if we women are to help other women in the overall progress of womankind.

Karma would lead us to believe that it is to the benefit of all women to watch the select few succeed. And, as we know from previous WINning Views, the advancement of women serves to improve economic growth, corporate results and overall performance of talent. We need to applaud each others’ successes and seek to promote each other. And, we need to think about how our actions and decisions impact all women and our progress. Above all else, let’s celebrate the female spirit… together.